February 17th, 2014 by Kevin Murray
Apparently Tinder is all the Rage Right Now at the Sochi Olympics
US Weekly – (It hasn’t been all work and no play for Jamie Anderson at the 2014 Olympics. The 23-year-old American snowboarder shared with Us Weekly senior reporter Jennifer Peros on Monday, Feb. 10 how she and her fellow female athletes like to play matchmaker while chilling together in the Olympic Village in Sochi.
“Tinder!” Anderson told Us with a laugh about the dating app. “Tinder in the Olympic Village is next level. It’s all athletes! In the mountain village it’s all athletes. It’s hilarious. There are some cuties on there.”
Anderson eventually had to remind herself, however, to focus on the real prize and put her love life on hold. “There was a point where I had to be like OK, this is way too distracting,” she said of using Tinder. “I deleted my account to focus on the Olympics.”)
The people at Tinder must be doing cartwheels with this free advertising. To it’s core, Tinder simply lets you know who in your area is mutually attracted to you with the implied notion you want to cut right to sex. In Sochi, you’ve got thousands of athletes in the best physical shapes of their lives, congregated in one location where the Olympic committee is handing out a 100,000 condoms. I mean dating apps weren’t even around at previous Olympics, yet villages still turned into orgies – now mix in Tinder and you create unparalleled levels of sexual tension.
If I was a single Olympian in Sochi I would be screwing my brains out. When in your life are you ever going to be surrounded by all of these hot women in phenomenal shape? Never. If you’re an average Olympian you might have one Olympic invite, possibly two — you’re an idiot if you don’t party your balls off. Have you seen some of the chicks competing over there right now? Have mercy. Who gives a shit about medals, I’m shooting for notches on my belt. In no particular order, here’s who I’d mutually like to swipe right with.
Figure skating chicks have the firmest legs and asses of any winter Olympian. You can’t be triple lutzing without having the lower half of a goddess. She’d have me wrapped around her finger like I was DB Sweeney in the Cutting Edge. And that bitchface was so hot the other night– love my women with a little attitude.
The Dufour-Lapointe sisters. All 3 of them. At once
It’s the friggin Olympics, go big or go home. Would I remember all of their names? No way. I’d just make them wear their little Olympic vests and refer to them by number. Two’s a company — three’s a crowd — four is me and my sisters fantasy played out in Sochi. Ohhh Canada.
She’s a track star helping out the US Bobsled Team — you don’t even have to be awake for that shit right? Your teammates just need a 4th person prop up in the sled like Bearnie Lomax to fill the quota. This way Lolo and I can stay up till the wee hours of the morning, crushing Russian vodka and making bad decisions. Oh, she’s still a virgin? No problem. When she swipes right she enters my turf. She dominates the track, I dominate online dating.
PS. There’s no way Jamie Anderson deleted her Tinder account. Chick was giddy with the thought of smushing some bros in the Olympic Village. You don’t quit Tinder cold turkey honey, it’s too addictive. And if you don’t know how to use it, take some tips from the One Man Thrill Ride. Dude should be standing on a soap box in Sochi, giving tutorials while whipping condoms at people.
(Fast fwd to the 1:57 mark)
“You don’t like it sweetheart, too bad. You don’t think that’s fair, guess what? Life’s not fair. That’s how life works kid.”