February 3rd, 2014 by Kevin Murray

Bad First Date? 6 Reasons to Go On a Second One Anyway

bad date
As online dating coaches we have a motto, if you think “maybe” after a first date, you should always say “yes” to a second. I mean let’s face it; there are a number of reasons for a date to go awry. Here are some factors that can ruin a first date, but shouldn’t necessarily close the door to a second.

Nerves. First dates can be very nerve racking — when nerves intensify they often create unintentional, awkward moments. Those nerves tend to dwindle on a second date because you have an idea what to expect since you’ve already met.

Atmosphere. Picking a bad location can drastically spoil the vibe of a date. You could be in a busy, loud bar, with numerous distractions — this effects communication, thus hampers rapport building. A second date may be needed to give your chemistry a fair chance at blossoming.

Timing. Hey, we all have those days when we’re not on our A game. Your date isn’t immune to having those bad days too. Of course, it sucks if they’ve scheduled to meet up with you after having a day from hell (but at least they didn’t cancel!).

Look in the mirror. Don’t be so fast to point the finger at your date — you might be to blame. Recently I went on a date after a long day at work, a family member of mine was also sick in the hospital  – I was completely stressed-out. Trying to get my mind off things, I went out anyway. Subconsciously, I wasn’t 100% into our conversations as I should’ve been. I realized this during our second date. where I found her very intriguing with a clearer mind. Date one wasn’t up to par in my eyes because of me, not her.

Wow Factor. Not all first dates are created equal. Sure, it’s great to be blown away or head over heels about someone from the get go. As you see from the aforementioned circumstances, there are a variety of elements that can influence a first impression. In today’s society, we’re too often looking for a quick solution to our problems –  including a quick attempt to fill the lonely void in our bachelor/bachelorette lives. Having patience will slow things down, allowing more opportunity for those who “wow” better one you get to know them.

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Online dating stigma.  Many rookie online daters are skeptical. As you can see in this clip, the media doesn’t help this stigma — they fuel it. Your date may have all these negative ideas floating around in their heads, waiting for something bad to happen. It could take a few dates for them to get comfortable and develop positive thoughts towards romance via the internet.

PS. Is this video supposed to be funny? I’m not going to sit here and act all self-righteous pretending I don’t make fun of online dating at times, but this is online dating humor from 1990.  Cue the dorky guy with the tucked in shirt, preppy combed hair and crooked sideburns. Stuff like this pisses me off because it gives all those naysayer something to point at and go, “see, you only meet weirdos online!” You meet weirdos in all facets of life — online isn’t the only place. I will say awkward ass-out hugs happen at times. Just know if a chick gives you an ass-in hug she’s probably a keeper.

Kristen Wig

 


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M.A. Rutgers University, MCIS Program. 8 years of personal/academic online dating experience. Interpersonal communication specialist. Boston sports addict. Resident Suave Scribe at eflirtexpert.com

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