7 Ways Being a Perfectionist is Ruining Your Dating Life | WeLoveDates

January 27th, 2014 by Jess Downey

7 Ways Being a Perfectionist is Ruining Your Dating Life

Photo credit: by Brittany Greene (Flickr)

Photo credit: by Brittany Greene (Flickr)

Perfectionism. In my personal opinion, it’s both an asset and a weakness. It’s good because it helps you have standards in everything you do. It helps you to strive t be your best. But it’s bad because sometimes it causes you to take things a little too far and feel awful if you don’t do something the exact way you thought you would. Regardless of all the good things it can bring to your life, perfectionism can really wreak havoc on your dating life. Here are 7 ways being a perfectionist might be ruining romance for you (and of course a couple of tips on how to prevent it).

It’s making you too picky

Standards are good in dating. In fact, they are mandatory. You should never allow yourself to be treated badly or settle for less than you deserve. But, often times, perfectionists take standards a little too far. If you’re looking for someone who’s perfect, you’ll never find it. People aren’t perfect. Neither are relationships. So, you might be casting someone aside for really silly reasons. Try not to limit your list to 101 things, instead just choose a few or throw out the list altogether.

Stress is part of your daily routine

We can’t always be carefree, but that doesn’t mean we have to worry about every single little thing either. And when you’re all caught up in how perfect everything needs to be that’s exactly what you’re doing- stressing about everything. You’ll never just get caught up in the moment and take in all the magic of a new budding romance (or love in general). Love is a beautiful thing. Let it be.

The word should is a regular part of your vocabulary

Guilty as charged (it’s actually one thing I’m working on this year). And while saying things like “I should exercise more” or “I shouldn’t eat four more pieces of cake” are probably OK for you, all the shoulds in dating are just plain awful. The fact is, there are no shoulds in dating. It is what it is and you have to accept whatever that is.

You pick at…everything

You likely pick apart yourself, your boyfriend or the new guy you just met, and your relationship as a whole. You name it and you can pick it apart. And that’s just not healthy. You’ll end up turning little issues into much bigger ones and not ever appreciating something for how simple and wonderful it is. Instead, embrace all that wonderfulness.

The little bumps in the road seem like failure

You might meet the perfect man for you, but instead of working at the relationship you’ll end it when things get rocky. Relationships are rocky and there will be some bumps along the way, but that doesn’t mean things aren’t working. When you’re a perfectionist, you tend to view the difficulties as failure when really it’s just the natural progression of things. So relax a little. Chances are, you’re doing just fine.

The fun will start to fade

Perfectionists don’t limit standards just to themselves. Everything (and I do mean everything) must be perfect. Your significant other, your house, your car, Monday night’s dinner. And when it isn’t that way it makes you feel like a failure and it totally deflates your mood. This isn’t fun for anyone involved. And what’s the point of life and love if you can’t have fun? Sometimes dinner will burn, but you can order takeout. Your house might get messy, but you can clean it up before the in-laws come to visit. It’s OK. Really.

Jess is a freelance writer and online columnist living in New York City. She recently got engaged to the man of her dreams (whom she met online, of course!) and is always eager to share her online dating tips with the world.

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