January 20th, 2014 by Mariel Norton
Life After the Ex: The First Kiss With Someone New
Like loaning out your favourite sweater to that beloved but unreliable best friend of yours, there’s something almost criminal about getting with somebody new after breaking up with a loved one.
Whilst the act of entrusting a friend with your most-loved garment may not be as extreme as the example suggests, it does however require a huge amount of trust – and just as it puts your mind at unease with the possibility of your friend losing your treasured item of clothing, so the idea of kissing someone other than your ex puts you out of your comfort zone.
Heart to head: can you hear me?
Picture this – you’ve just broken up with someone you spent however long in love with, and now that the relationship has come to a sad and painful conclusion, your heart is in more agony than surviving a slow dial-up internet connection.
To keep your mind off that ex of yours, friends will try and encourage you to get back in the dating game – often telling you that it’s not about Mr/Ms Right, but more a case of Mr/Ms Right Now. However, you should ask yourself: what do you want right now? With the answer usually being: your ex.
And while it’s said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, in the case of long-term relationships, it’s just another short-term distraction. Physical comfort can dull the heartache for a while but as for feeling anything genuine? You might as well have a sign round your neck saying ‘emotionally unavailable’.
Once bitten, twice shy
Understandably the thought of kissing someone else can be terrifying, and after the pain of your breakup, the last thing you need is to be put in the fragile and somewhat frightening position of enduring that dreaded ‘first kiss’ with someone new.
Do you really want to throw yourself at the first person who shows you the slightest bit of attention? While you might think it’s better to get that first kiss with somebody new out of the way, the mantra of ‘your body is a temple’ should ring loud and clear.
Don’t give yourself away so easily, respect yourself and make the other person earn the right to be with you. At a critical stage in your life where you’re bound to be low in confidence, a quick boost to your ego might cover up the cracks but it’s evident for everyone to see – and that’s what people will take advantage of in order to get up close and personal with you.
Can you recall how much hurt that split put you through? If the pain is still fresh, then remove yourself from any situation that may tempt you into a prospective relationship. Enjoy this period of solitude, and the more time you spend enjoying your own company, the sooner you’ll know when the time is right to move on.
So now you’ve decided you’re ready to meet someone new, take the kiss for exactly what it is: just a kiss. It’s a huge step for you, so give yourself a pat on the back for testing the waters – now take it slow before you get in too deep.
The journey to love may be full of hurdles, and from time to time, you may find that it’s a case of one step forward and two steps back. But just as renowned actor Henry Ford once said: “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal” – so as long as you can see the full picture, then you’re never far behind from true love.