They say the best things in life are free, so yours truly decided to take advantage of this age-old mantra by downloading free matchmaking app, Tinder. First making its presence known at a University of Southern California party back in September 2012, it since swept into our online lives and caused all sorts of mayhem, hookups and dare I say it, romance.
Except I discovered a new emotion no person should ever have to experience with when dating.
I went from initial curiosity in the pursuit of a potential suitor to taking one look at their profile picture and judging them quicker than Simon Cowell could sum up a pathetic tribute act with an acerbic one liner.
Speaking on behalf of the female population, let’s hope we never have to meet this batch of Tinder tragedies. Prepare yourself.
It’s the Tinder wall of shame.
1. Married men. Yeah, you read that right. It’s bad enough that there’s some taken guys out there trying their luck with a luckless girl or eight, but to post actual photos from their WEDDING DAY?! Please, do that wife of yours a favour – she deserves better (as do the ladies taking their time to ignore your profile).
2. Family men. Whilst you might think uploading pictures of those adorable little kids of yours will win over the broody majority populating the Tinder audience, let me assure you – we see right through that façade of yours. Don’t use your children as a means of guilt tripping us; you alone should be able to convince us why you’re our Prince Charming, so don’t drag your offspring into the picture (literally).
3. Fishermen. Catch of the day? Please. We really don’t care that you managed to spend many an hour for this one sublime photo opportunity – and just as we’d be proud of shopping for hours on end for those designer shoes, you wouldn’t want to sift through endless photos of us being proud of our newly purchased footwear now, would you?
4. Snowboarding men. WE GET IT – YOU WENT ON A SKIING HOLIDAY AND THIS NOT ONLY SHOWS HOW WELL TRAVELLED YOU ARE, BUT THE FACT YOU CAN REMAIN UPRIGHT ON THE SLOPES. Hate to break it to you, but we can’t really see much under your helmet/goggles/jacket/trousers/scarf/boots. Next time, opt for a photo where we can actually see your face.
5. Selfie men. OK, so it was word of the year for 2013. Let’s make word of the year for 2014 ‘professional’ – and by this I mean having a proper photo taken of you. Pretending to look away from the camera whilst your arm holding the camera is so clearly in sight not only looks embarrassing, but desperate. Don’t be desperate.
6. Boyz II Men. What’s that? You want to show us your playful side? That’s great! However, grabbing the private parts of a statue/holding up playing cards featuring naked models/having your photo taken with a pole dancer in the background sadly just makes you look immature.
7. Musclemen. Your second home is a gym? Yet you have a built-in gym at home? I’m amazed you have time to go dating what with the amount of time you spend admiring your biceps and documenting this as photographic evidence.
8. Rude men. It’s often said that hands can be a standout feature, but when it’s flipping the bird or holding the V-sign with the palm facing inward? You’re definitely standing out – for ALL the wrong reasons.
What kind of poses have you seen on Tinder’s photo catalogue that made you instantly want to swipe left? Which images have impressed you enough that you’ve taken a closer look? Let us – and the rest of the female population – know!