January 7th, 2014 by Simone Paget
20 Things Guys Should Never Say In Their Online Dating Profiles
With the New Year in full swing, it’s the perfect time to give the old online dating profile a revamp. And yes, men- that means you too. Your online dating profile should provide the best possible reflection of who you are as a person. However, trying to convey this in just a few short paragraphs can be a daunting task. To make sure you’re on the right track, here are a few things guys should never mention in their online dating profiles.
1. “I’m a laid back guy” or “I like to go with the flow” – Newsflash, everyone says this – especially if you live somewhere that’s known for it’s laid back lifestyle like, California. Although most women aren’t looking for a Type A, stress-case, describing yourself as “laid back” doesn’t exactly make our hearts go aflutter. It makes it sound like you’re a great guy to kick a hackie sack around with, not necessarily date.
2. Insulting online dating – There’s no longer a stigma associated with online dating, so mentioning stuff like “I can’t believe I’m on here!” or “Online dating sucks, but I’m hoping to meet someone” not only makes you seem out of touch and negative, but it’s insulting to your audience: women you’re trying to meet online.
3. Anything that’s not true – Lying in your online profile will not do you any favours. Trust me, when we meet you we’ll be able to tell that you’re actually 5’6″ not, 6 ft like your profile said.
4. TMI info – There’s no need to tell your life story in your online dating profile. This is not the venue to share that you were abused as a child or that you have a bad relationship with everyone in your immediate family (yes, I’ve actually seen both mentioned in real profiles.) Revealing super personal info like this in a public forum signals to us that you have poor judgement – aka a huge red flag. Keep this to yourself until you actually know the person.
5. Writing too much or too little – Don’t ramble. Keep things short, sweet and concise. However, do make sure that you tell us something about yourselves – a practically blank profile won’t get you anywhere.
6. “I deserve a woman with ______ (insert qualities here)” – Um, simmer down narcissist! That’s great that you’re confident about what you want, but listing what you think you “deserve” from a woman just makes you seem entitled and kind of like a douche. Like attracts like, so instead focus on what positive qualities you have.
7. “I don’t have time to fill out this profile, but…” – If you don’t have time to create a proper online profile, just don’t. You don’t have time to fill it out? Guess what – we don’t have time to date you!
8. “I never know how to fill these things out” – We get it. Creating an online dating profile is one of the most nerve wracking and awkward things ever, however by drawing attention to it, you come off as lacking confidence. Grown-ups should know how to talk about themselves, even if it’s challenging.
9. What you think she wants to hear – Truth? We don’t care how many houses/cars/boats/rare-jungle cats you own (Ok, maybe the jungle cats, because that’s kind of cool.) We’re more interested in who you are as a person and what your interests, values and world-view are. Bragging about that Porsche and those ten cheetahs you have in the backyard of one of your many timeshare condos just makes you sound like a jerk. (Also, really??)
10. Anything to do with sex – DO NOT mention sex anywhere in your profile. Ever. Yes, most of us enjoy sex and wouldn’t want to live without it, but it doesn’t need to be mentioned or alluded to – even jokingly – in your online dating profile. Women see the the word “sex” and move on to the next profile. True story.
11. “I’m really good at kissing/cuddling/back massages” – If mentioning sex is off the table, kissing, cuddling and massages are Ok right? WRONG. We want you to be someone we could picture having dinner or a drink with….because, WE DON’T KNOW YOU. There’s nothing creepier than an unknown man suggesting he wants to kiss or cuddle you….or worse, give you a “full body massage.” I’m sorry, but it’s just way too much intimacy right off the bat.
12. “Don’t message me if ________” – Including a laundry list of everything you’re not looking for in a woman is a huge turn-off (and will likely even turn off women who do fall within your criteria.) Keep things positive and focus on your good qualities.
13. Saying instead of conveying i.e. “I’m a nice guy” or “I’m a funny dude” – If you’re a nice person, be a nice person. We’ll be able to tell from your profile. If you’re “funny”, use wit and humour in your profile. Actions speak louder than words. Stop trying to tell us what we should be noticing and instead be. those. things.
14. “A friend made me sign up for this” – That’s great. It’s nice to know you can’t make decisions about your love life on your own. If you’re online, own it.
15. “I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I’m just here checking things out.” – If you’ve signed up for online dating, you’re most likely looking to, I don’t know – DATE PEOPLE. There’s nothing wrong with that. Coming off as unsure or non-committal will just make us move on to the next guy who does know what he wants.
16. Anything negative, angry or that disses the ex – Complaining about your ex, how women treated you in the past, or what you can’t stand about the world, doesn’t make you appealing, period. Instead, it makes you look like you’re stuck in a negative headspace and can’t move on – aka, someone we’re not interested in dating.
17. Making serial killer or rape jokes - Announcing “I’m not a serial killer or rapist, LOL” (even if it’s the truth) isn’t funny and is a huge turn off. As women, online dating comes with very real safety concerns. If you’re a decent guy, it’s up to you to make women feel safe and comfortable talking to you without advertising “I’m a safe guy.” Also, it’s funny how the mind works – as soon as we see the words “rapist” or “serial killer” we’ll associate it with your profile, even if you claim “you’re not one” and we won’t be LOL-ing.
18. Bad grammar and spelling – Know the difference between you’re and your. Spellcheck your profile and have a friend proofread if necessary. There’s also nothing worse than finding a cute guy online only to learn he typez lyke dis.
19. “Gold-diggers need not apply” – The word “gold-digger” usually applies to a woman who is willing to leverage her exceptionally good looks for material gain from an exeptionally wealthy partner, however more often than not I see this term used by guys on dating sites who look to be working and middle class. I get it – no one likes to be used. However, as a grown man you should be able to tell a woman’s financial situation and intentions by using your own good judgement. Bemoaning “gold diggers” on your profile just makes you seem bitter, jaded and a little full of yourself (even if that’s not the case.)
20. “I want to make a kid” – A friend of mine saw this recently on a guy’s profile. Um, not only is the grammar seriously questionable, divulging your desire for offspring right off the bat is a tad creepy. There’s a section for that – check off the box and leave it at that fellas.