December 24th, 2013 by Jess Downey

Who Should Ask Who on a Date: Why Do We Still Care?

Photo credit: marsmet553 (Flickr)

Photo credit: marsmet553 (Flickr)

Dating is confusing sometimes. When I was a single gal I constantly read articles and books about tips. They were like manuals with a whole list of all these things you should and shouldn’t do. I found it overwhelming and frustrating. I just wanted to be me and not worry about all the rules. One thing that I found the worst was everything centered around who should ask who on a date.

According to almost everything I’ve ever read, the consensus is that if you’re a woman, you should never ask a guy out. Sure, you can hint around to it and try to convince a guy to ask you out. However, you should never actually ask him out.

I even saw two tweets the other day that talked about how a woman should never ask a man out.

This is a concept that I honestly don’t understand. I mean did I miss something here, it is 2013 (almost 2014) right? With everything else that is evolving in the world, why hasn’t this?

A lot of people say that if a guy is interested he’ll ask you out. So, you shouldn’t bother asking him out because if he’s not asking you, he’s clearly not interested in you (see he’s just not that into you). If only things were that simple, right? Sure, I can’t argue that if a guy is interested he will want to ask you out, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he will.

People also say that it’s the man’s job because he’s the one that should take the lead. You know, kind of like paying and opening doors. Though if you know this awesome concert that’s going on or want to try a new restaurant then what are you supposed to do? Just sit around until the guy magically knows what you want to do so he can ask you? Sure you can drop hints, but the same people that are telling women not to ask guys out are the same people saying men don’t get hints either. Seems like that might be a little tricky, don’t you think?

They also say that letting a man ask you out will stroke his ego. What’s that even mean? This isn’t what asking someone out on a date should be about. If a guy will let something little like this blow his ego, I am not quite sure how excited I am to go out with him.

I guess this whole idea is just a little too black and white for me. Like anything with dating, sometimes the answer isn’t always that easy. Like I’ve said a million times, dating is not a math equation.

Sometimes it’s a+b=c, but sometimes it’s a+b=g or f or q. There’s just no formula on how to do it so why in the heck are we always trying to make a formula for it?

The truth is, sometimes guys do get afraid to ask a woman out. Nearly every guy I have ever talked to has told me they have been afraid of rejection at one time or another. This doesn’t make a guy a wuss, this just makes him a normal human being. Fear is human, not a sign of weakness.

Some guys are legitimately shy and just aren’t sure when they should ask a gal out. Some guys also think it’s pretty hot when a woman approaches them. Everyone is different.

But, honestly, why do we need to get all caught up in who is asking who out anyway? Theoretically, if two people like each other, isn’t actually going on the date the important part? So if you find yourself in that situation, I say go for it. Really, what’s the big deal anyway?

What does everyone else think? Does it really matter who asks who out?

 

Jess is a freelance writer and online columnist living in New York City. She recently got engaged to the man of her dreams (whom she met online, of course!) and is always eager to share her online dating tips with the world.

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