Snooky poos. Babycakes. Fuzzy wuzzy bumblebee. Whilst you could be forgiven that these were the names of children’s TV show characters, these are in fact one of the many embarrassing (and frankly degrading) nicknames used for the other half.
I remember dating an older guy when I was in school, and was so desperate for him and all the world to know we were a couple that I wanted us to have nicknames for each other. However, I think I put a bit too much pressure on him that he panicked and gave me the generic label of…babe. To others, that’s a compliment. To me, that’s the name of a pig.
However, with it being early days into the relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was offend him and tell him that I DESPISED that nickname. So, I decided to call him ‘pumpkin’. Suffice it to say that our relationship later came to and end (though not for the reason of lovey-dovey labels).
To avoid making the same mistake as yours truly, I’ve compiled a list of the top 6 terms of endearment no couple should ever use during the honeymoon period:
1. Babe. For aforementioned reasons, obviously. Plus thanks to Pamela Anderson’s infamous slogan of “don’t call me babe” used in the 1996 flop known as Barb Wire, females (and males) everywhere have since developed a fear of the label ‘babe’.
2. Hun/Honey. It used to wind me up no end when my ex referred to me as ‘hun’. Just as people shorten full names to singular syllable tags, there’s nothing very becoming about being called ‘hun’. But apologies if somehow you were related to Attila the Hun, and had ties to the Hunnic empire.
3. Sweet cheeks. Sweetheart I can deal with. Sweetie I can just about stomach. But sweet cheeks?! Unless those cheeks are the ones adjoining my smile and not located toward the posterior part of my body, then you might get off lightly. So long as I can call you by the same name and see how long you can put up with it for.
4. Muffin. Wow – men sure love their sugary sobriquets. Unfortunately for women, the word ‘muffin’ is closely associated with their worst enemy – the dreaded ‘muffin top’ (note for men: this is when a woman’s roll of fat spills over their waistband). Never use the word muffin in any context, just to be on the safe side.
5. Sexy. Just to be clear, this is acceptable as an adjective. “Well aren’t you looking sexy!” is one suggestion, but to simply be nicknamed ‘sexy’? Put it this way – if we’re wanting to be comforted after receiving some bad news, the sentence “please don’t cry, sexy” will more often than not worsen the situation. And ruin the act of crying forever.
6. Love. Unless either of you have uttered those immortal three words, stay clear of the most powerful word in the English language. Otherwise the relationship could come to an end just as quickly as it started.
What terms of endearment have you been called that you’ve hated? Feel free to share your nicknames with us and together, let’s campaign against sickly terms of endearment today!