The Worst Reasons To Start Dating After Divorce
By: Len Cruz |
New year, new life! That’s the beauty of living; you’re given a chance to redeem yourself and make everything better after just about anything, including divorce. Take it!
But then again, what if you’re not really ready to make things better (relationship-wise) after your divorce just yet? Your friends keep egging you to put yourself out there and start dressing second-skin dresses that will make Kim Kardashian blush. Your mom, dad, your siblings, kids and even your cousin from Ohio who doesn’t care about anybody else but herself told you that you’re so ready.
Are you really? If you need encouragement from others to start dating again, you’re most probably not. Here are a few more terrible reasons to start dating again post-divorce:
Two words: Temple Run. Download this and start playing. We guarantee you that you’ll forget what boredom means. You may even need a good shrink to break away from this game. The upside? Once you shut it out of your life completely, you won’t hurt its feelings because it has none to begin with.
Seriously, dating out of boredom is a very selfish act that will result in a bad outcome. A good relationship is not 100% selfless but it needs a good amount of self-effacing to make it work properly. Once you’ve established that, then by all means, do put yourself out there.
You want to make your ex jealous
First of all, will your ex get jealous if you do this? Second of all, you’re not 16 anymore. You’ve probably heard this a million times but the best revenge is by making yourself the best. Work on that first before you start dating again. That, by the way, takes more than just changing your hairstyle. It includes emotional, financial, intellectual and physical well-being. A total overhaul if you may. If your ex sees you living a glorious life – with or without a strikingly hot man – he will feel a strong pang of jealousy. Better be ready.
We cannot blame you. This is a physiological thing. It’s just human nature. We are all highly charged sexual beings; some are just good at hiding it than others. However, there are many ways to let off steam without luring someone and pretending to like her just for sex. Be creative. Now, if you need us to spell it out for you and you’re 50 years old, then please ask yourself why. Also, ask yourself if you really deserve another shot in a relationship if you don’t know how to do this.
You don’t want to be alone
This is another self-centered act that should be ditched. People who are in a state of true happiness will never feel this way. They can confidently shout ‘table for one, please’ or watch a movie by themselves. Being with someone will not erase the feeling of inadequacy. If you are grateful and elated about ‘you’ then you’ll never feel this way. You have to reach that stage first.
Also, would you rather be with someone you barely like just because or would you prefer to wait for that one great love that will rock your world?
You want to see if you’re still ‘marketable’
So you want to check if you still got it. That’s just fair. What’s not fair is using others to reassure yourself that you are indeed a catch. If you don’t have a mirror yet at home, go buy one. Now, go in front of the mirror and check if you are still marketable. You are your best critique and admirer. No amount of ‘you’re not fat!’ will make you change the way you see yourself. Only you can do that. The rest is just confidence.
That’s superficial. What about personality? List down 5 things that makes you awesome and 5 things that you know you should improve on. This is not one of those “Does He Love Me?” tests you find in glossy magazines so there’s no need to lie to alter the result. You know who you are.
Happy 2014, everyone! Be the kind of person you want to date!