December 19th, 2013 by Len Cruz

How to Be ‘Essential’ and Not Just An ‘Option’ When Dating

Business Executives Running in a RaceDating is a war; survival of the fittest. If you are at DEFCON 5, we need you to focus and absorb what we are about to tell you.
If you have accepted that you are part of the ‘option’ percentage of daters then this article is not for you. This is for people who possess grit; the kind of people who don’t want to back down from a challenge but will not result in kidnapping the one they like either. This piece is for dating warriors.

Being number one in someone’s life is highly ideal, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Even the ones with the noblest of intentions get burned for all the wrong reasons and every time someone does, his or her sense of self worth goes a notch lower. Some submit themselves into that notion that being taken for granted is okay because they don’t know how to get out of it. Change that! Here’s how:

Re-brand yourself
Mature people are guiltier of being creatures of habit than younger ones. They tend to just stick to their age old beliefs.
If something is not working for you anymore, change it. It doesn’t necessarily follow that what worked for your ex will work for all.

The journey to change is hard, but you have to keep trying if you want better results. For example, if you talk way too much than necessary, next time, pick only the things that matter and omit pointless noise.

Be fascinating
Being fascinating is way, way beyond the superficial. These are factors that are not temporal and will transcend through time.
Are you versatile, humble, active, adventurous, have a certain degree of panache, share something of value, open-minded, witty but not offensive, someone who dislike bandwagon and someone who is a member of welovedates.com (shameless plug right here)? If you answered yes to all, then you are definitely fascinating.
If not, get out of your comfort zone and explore our awesome planet. Talk to people from all walks of life. Have more expertise than arrogance. Read and laugh a lot.

Create a killer first impression
Some people even say that first impression is also the last impression. Yes, it is that critical. Never have a que sera sera attitude especially during a first date. Work your way into being an essential from day one! The first impact you create will set the bar for any future relationship. It’s hard to recover when you lose someone due to even the most trivial of things from the beginning.

Prepare, prepare, prepare! Talk to yourself in the mirror if you have to. There’s no shame in that. We call that practicing for greatness. Walk like you own the world, wear the most flattering ensemble that you can get, do an intense eye contact, present yourself justly, and smile.

Hold the fort
This is very basic but is often forgotten. You can be an essential in someone’s life by staying true to your morals. You can be agreeable by not agreeing to every single thing. What? How? Easy. Just listen to what your instinct dictates.
If you are not comfortable in doing something, then skip it. Even if you are in your sixties, have ten kids, and had more husbands than Liz Taylor, if you don’t want to have sex until you’ve been dating for a month, don’t!

What makes someone “essential” in your life?

Len is the delusional brains behind the lifestyle, parenting, and fashion site: www.themommist.com. She believes that words are meaningless unless they are used for the good kind of change.

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