November 6th, 2013 by Jessica Dante

Why You Shouldn’t Play Games When it Comes to Dating

Careers board game

My husband and I have always said that part of the reason that our relationship is so strong is because we never “played games” while we were dating. Right from the beginning, we texted each other when we wanted to, were honest about how quickly we were falling in love with each other, and were never worried about seeming clingy– we were just ourselves. So I’m a big believer in not playing games while dating.

What do I mean by playing games?

I consider it doing or saying anything that doesn’t accurately convey how you truly feel or how you really want to act.

For example:
Waiting three days to call after a date (even though you were really into her)
Pretending to be unavailable because you want to “play hard to get”
Acting like you like a guy even though you don’t — just so you don’t hurt his feelings

I understand that no one wants to seem desperate, overbearing, or to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I believe honesty is always the best policy.

Why you shouldn’t “play the game”

The other person has feelings that can be hurt
A relationship is a two way street involving two humans with feelings, therefore by playing games you can hurt the other person. Even if you’re intentions are to not hurt them, leading your partner on can only end in heartbreak when the truth does come out.

Nothing good will come out of it
When it comes to playing games in dating, there is always something that will end the game, and there’s usually no winners. The whole thing potentially could blow up in your face– if you play hard to get when you actually really like your current love interest, there’s a chance that she’ll take your games as disinterest and move on.

It will set you up for an honest relationship from the start
By being truthful and upfront about yourself and your feelings from the beginning, you’ll have a really solid foundation for your relationship if it continues and gets more serious (which was the case for my husband and me). Who doesn’t want a relationship filled with honesty and trust?

It will help you find someone who likes you for you
If you’re the type of person who likes to spend every waking minute with your significant other, playing it cool and only making yourself available once in a while at the beginning of the relationship will mean that your partner will be in for a big surprise when you suddenly want to be together morning, noon and night. Being yourself from the beginning and expressing your true feelings and wishes will help you meet someone who has the same feelings and expectations that you do, which is a great start for a healthy relationship.

So how do you not play games while dating?

I’m not going to say that it’s easy, because it’s not. Removing yourself from the game came make you feel vulnerable. But just know that by being honest about how you are feeling about your partner and how you want to act towards him will help you to find your perfect match and to build a healthy and happy relationship.

Photo source: huppypie via Flickr


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Jess is a born-and-bred New Yorker with a love for travel, blogging, and cheap wine. After living in Italy for a year, she fell in love with a Brit, married him six months later, and started a new life in London. You can read all about her expat adventures on her blog Love and London and can find her on Twitter @jess_inLondon

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