4 Reasons Why Mature Dating Isn’t Working For You and How to Fix It
By: Len Cruz |
You give it your all and really put yourself out there, but still, all your efforts doesn’t seem to lead you to the right partner. Frustrating is too weak a word to describe how you truly feel.
Mature dating is more arduous for a variety of reasons, ranging from health to emotional baggage. Those are already given and can barely be modified. There are other reasons that baby boomers do that make their dating life harder than it should be. Here are some to avoid:
We all have a list of qualities that we like to see in our potential mate and that’s fairly normal. Tall, broad shoulders, thick and slightly wavy hair, salt-and-pepper scruff, perfectly trimmed nails, brown eyes…okay, let’s cut through the hogwash and just say, “I want George Clooney!”
A model mate is a blueprint for what you think will be the quintessential factor of a successful relationship. If he has all the qualities on your checklist, then he must be the best match for you, right? Wrong. Being with your Mr. Perfect will not guarantee you a helluva good relationship. What about those that don’t have broad shoulders or touchable hair? They can be far better in terms of emotional and intellectual levels.
“People don’t know what they want until you show it to them,” so said Steve Jobs. Show yourself a different idea of a guy. Break your own rigid rules and start the relationship based on how you feel, not on some list you created while watching E.R.
Looking for the “Other Half”
This is another common mistake that a lot of people make when looking for a mate. They view potential significant others as someone who will emotionally be their other half, someone who will complete them and whose absence will make their world fall apart.
That notion is a whole lot of crap. You can’t expect someone to fix you, complete you or make you whole. That’s your job! You should only enter a relationship when you are absolutely sure that you are 100% happy and contented with your life, yourself. Treat your mate as an addition to a whole, not as your half.
Fear of Rejection
Rejection has always been given a more negative connotation than necessary. A lot of people date less because of this fear. They do a lot of ‘affective forecasting’ – a prediction of how one will feel towards a certain future situation. We are terrible at this. We get scared of so many things because we fear how we’re going to react to a bad situation.
Yes, it hurts to be rejected, but it shouldn’t kill your vibe! When someone shoves you away for someone else, that doesn’t mean that you are totally un-datable. It only means that you didn’t meet his ‘pigeonhole’ and that’s okay. Yes, it is painful and demeaning, but being rejected does not sum up your personality.
Rejection helps you to straighten your brain and toughen your heart to fight for what you want…and get what you want eventually. Rejection builds courage. The best solution? Go out more, get rejected more! Conquering your fear of rejection produces a liberating effect. Free yourself from this fear, expose yourself to the bad in order to achieve the good.
No matter how much you try to hide it, desperation reeks. It’s like a strong force that can be sensed from miles away. You’re too available, clingy, eager and always willing are signs of desperation. Not.Good.
Have some dignity. Age is never a good excuse to become desperate. You’ll just push men or women away when they see that you are truly desperate. Honestly, desperate people are pretty scary. Love yourself, take care of yourself and believe that good things will always happen and make them happen.