October 24th, 2013 by Len Cruz
Mature Dating: The Thou-Shalt-Nots of Break Ups
Break ups, it is but a pestilence (a relief for some) upon us all!
It only takes some logic and a dash of common sense to realize that endings should be, at the very least, tolerable. But, alas, emotions and spite makes even the best of us forget all those and instead opt for the pulverize-thy-heart route.
You can slightly get away with that tactic when you’re young; young, as in, juvenile kind of young. Manners should suffice when you’re at a mature age where researching about urinary incontinence is a top priority as well as looking for the best bingo spots near your home. It. Is. Simply. Unacceptable.
If you’re guilty of any of these break up don’ts, please allow us to help you by emphasizing what you’ve done wrong and how to correct them the next time around.
There are some people who have sayonara issues. They leave someone without uttering a single world. No closure, no nothing. We are saying this with all kindness, humility and love: grow a pair. Take a deep breath and go talk to your would-be ex. There will probably be some tears, chaos and nagging, but it’s better to have some finality than hope. Giving hope, false or true, is detrimental.
Using a substitute
If you’re thinking if it’s okay to ask your best friend/neighbor/Friday night bowling buddy to do the dirty work for you, the answer is a resounding no. No, no, no! First of all, you’re not being fair to both your friend and partner. Your best bud is not part of your relationship and your partner deserves to hear the bad news from you.
Doing it via social media
We know and understand your newfound love, excitement for social media sites. However, you cannot tweet this to your partner: I can’t take it anymore. Let’s end this now. #hurting. It’s still wrong even if you offer more explanation via Twitlonger. In case of geographical issues, a virtual split is acceptable only if you do it via a video chat. A face-to-face break up is important because you can gauge the other person’s sincerity. Texts fail us most of the time.
The blame game
Don’t succumb to a cowardly exit by blaming it all on your partner. It’s 100% wrong to make your partner feel bad about himself just so you can fully justify the split. It does takes two to tango. It’s extremely useless to go down that low. It’ll just give birth to more unresolved issues, not to mention hurt the person who’s included in the photo you once captioned ‘this is forever’. Just keep it simple by stating your point in a concise and clear manner.
At a restaurant…
…park, museum, grocery or any other public places. Don’t take your partner’s age for granted. A person who’s well into her fifties is still capable of throwing a mean hissy fit, regardless of the audience. Do you really want that entire Academy Award-worthy drama?
Timing is everything
Be considerate enough to wait if the timing’s not right. If your partner’s going through tough times that don’t concern you, hold the split. Losing a loved one, a major accident or having a terrible medical problem is just some of the few to consider. Will it kill you to just wait a little while?
Leaving your partner in the dark
One of the worst things that you can do to your partner is by telling everyone about your intentions except him. How painful is it to find out about it from a friend of your girlfriend’s second cousin from Iowa. It maybe therapeutic for you to blab about it, but do so after you told your partner. Actually, it’s not good to tell everyone about it regardless.