October 17th, 2013 by Lucas

Why You Should Throw Your “Dating Rules” Out The Window

waiting-by-the-phone
“How long should I wait before I text her?”
If I haven’t heard from him in a week, does that mean he doesn’t want to see me again?”
“I have to wait until the third date to put out, right?”

These are just a few of the ridiculous questions that I have been asked regarding commonly perceived time table of dating (some of them may or may not have come from my own brain.) It appears that some unidentifiable force (most likely Cosmo) has convinced the daters of today that all mating rituals, gay or not, must operate on a precisely calculated schedule, else one risks appearing desperate or insane.

Talk about pressure, right?

Courting may very well be the most nerve-racking human practice, and I think it’s safe to say it has been since the dawn of time. Luckily we live in a time when, save for a little peer pressure, we’re all free to make our own choices about who we may eventually shack up with. But when we like someone that way, all the logic we once had spills out of our ears and we begin questioning every single word that comes out of your mouth (or often thumbs) regarding that person.

And sometimes it feels like you’re in a hurry. If you don’t nail down that second date (or third…or fourth…) pronto, they might assume you’re not interested and move on! Or worse: someone else might scoop them up! I HAVE TO ACT FAST!

No. Breathe. Everything will be okay.

As a person who is not currently in like with anyone, and therefor the voice of reason, I have some very important advice for you: Stop watching the clock!

Regardless of whether this romance of yours will blossom or not, your relationship is 100% unique. It’s extremely inconvenient, I know, but there is not a book or magazine or horoscope or human being that can tell you exactly how your relationship with this person should play out. You don’t have to wait a week before asking someone out again. Sometimes life gets wild at the most inconvenient of times. You may have to wait a while and come back to it later. If it’s meant to be, your date will still come to pass. On the flip side, maybe your date sent you a text the morning after, or even that very night when they got home, to tell you what a lovely time they had with you. If you really like this person, are you actually going to write them off for asking you out again too soon? I certainly hope not. If so, you’ve got some priorities that need sorting out.

To hell with the rules. Love happens on its own schedule. Just follow your instincts and go with the flow. True romance comes organically.

Oh, and remember: HAVE FUN! Love should be enjoyable, not stressful.

Image via SeekingNicci on Flickr

Lucas is the author of the popular blog Top2Bottom. He is single and living in New York City.

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