4 Reasons Why You Need to Keep the “Fantasy” Element of Online Dating in Check

By: Kevin Murray |


Whoa, whoa, whoa Mariah – pump the brakes! We’re talking online dating here, you can’t be all head over heels for some random dude you flirted with through a computer screen – have you even met this guy yet? Let’s wait until we see how the chemistry goes before the bedroom eyes come out there Mrs. Cannon…

Let’s face it, even the most seasoned online daters can fall into the trap of over fantasizing about a potential match – the thoughts of fantasy begin instantly once mutual interest is established.  People often find themselves imagining who this person is and what they’re all about – with so much unknown, you can’t help it.  The fantasy continues to grow as the two daters search through each others profiles and exchange messages. Here are a few reasons why you need to keep your online dating fantasies in check.

saved by the bell


Many online daters are guilty of embellishing their photos to paint themselves in the most flattering fashion. This topic really deserves its own blog, for now I’ll just say be weary of getting infatuated with any pictures. For the most part, you can get a sense of what someone looks like if you have the right amount of photos and they’re in well lit backgrounds. With that said, not all of the people that peak your interest online are going to have portfolio chalk full of awesome photos – the best way to gauge what someone looks like is on a date! (watch out for the chicks on Instagram and the tricky effects they use to make themselves look like supermodels).

The absence of body language

The absence of non verbal cues lessens the amount of information people send and receive. Sure, the emergence of emoticons has helped hint to facial expressions or an emotion someone is feeling. Although,  how many times have you typed “lol :)” only to be sitting on the toilet trying to figure out who to pick up off waivers for your fantasy football team (wait, is that just me?). Half the time we’re tuned out during texting and emailing because there are so many other things grabbing our attention. When communicating  online with out the use of video chat, body language is absent – thus left to the imagination.

We have so many things in common!

There’s a constant battle during self-presentation in online dating profiles between the ideal self and the actual self. The ideal self is what you want to be in a perfect world – the actual self is who you truly are – all daters on the internet deal with this battle. Online dating is often looked at as a new beginning where people try to reinvent themselves. It’s nothing to worry about, just something to keep in mind when analyzing whether his or her personality traits/characteristics are a good fit.

There’s no substitute for face-to-face interaction

Honestly, I could of just wrote the headline to this paragraph and called this blog done – we advise all of our clients to meet up face-to-face as soon as possible – the longer you wait the more the fantasy builds. You could have the greatest email/text message chats in the world, but until you test that chemistry in person, you really have no idea. The only way fantasy can become reality is by having your potential match standing next to you in the flesh.


P.S. I was 12 when this video was released and would praaaay for it to come on MTV – Mariah was straight fire in this. And don’t even get me started on the Honey video – sweet, sweet fantasy indeed.