September 5th, 2013 by Jess Downey

15 People Who Should Be Banned From Online Dating Sites

5350382220_48d46283edI may be taken now, but I spent more than my fair share of years dating on the interwebs. It was more than worth it, but I’d be lying if I said it was never hard and I was never frustrated. One of the most annoying things was constantly meeting all the crazies. And yes, I know that crazies are everywhere, but when you continually go on dates with them it becomes a little exhausting and challenging. So, here are 15 people who should be banned from online dating sites.

1. Mr. I’m Just Seeing What’s Out There Immediately After a Break Up (or Mr. I’m Just Seeing What’s Out There So I Can Actually Go Through With the Breakup). We all know that dating is a bit scary and that sometimes you check out of a relationship before you’ve pulled the plug. But the person on the other side of the computer probably isn’t just testing the waters. It’s likely they’ll want to meet and maybe see if something could develop.

2. Guys who send messages like this: UR BEAUTY MAKES I SPIRIT DEW BACK FLIP WIT JOY :-) STAY SWEET LIKE HONEY – BIG UPS – MUCH LOVE (Or any other variation of a message you can’t understand).  It’s totally cool to be creative in the way you approach a gal. In fact, I recommend it. But, if she has no idea what you’re talking about that’s probably not going to work so well for you.

3.The gal who wants to get married after only three dates because she swears you’re perfect for her based on everything she’s read in your profile. Sure, we all know a little more about people when meeting them off a dating site. But that doesn’t mean you know this person inside and out before you’ve even met them. True love, relationships, and marriage take more time and involve being together in person.

4. Anyone who only posts selfies. It’s really easy to just grab your camera or phone and take a few snapshots when you need to post some pictures to your profile. But posting selfies doesn’t really give insight to who you are and what you look like. And, frankly, it’s just a little weird.

5. People who over use clichés. No one actually likes long walks on the beach or wants a partner in crime or works hard to play hard.

6. Anyone who is cynical and jaded. If you lead with something like “I’m not into games” we all know you were jerked around by your ex. And no one wants to date the person who is bitter about their ex.

7. The guy who posts pictures from his wedding with his ex-wife. If you have a wedding ring in any of your photos, don’t post them. If you have a picture where you could be waiting for your beautiful bride to walk down the aisle, don’t post it. Enough said.

8. The guy who is obsessed with his car and abs. We get it – you have a six-pack and you really love to detail your car on the weekends. But that doesn’t mean every picture of you needs to show you leaning up against your T-Top Transam shirtless.

9. The gal who is obsessed with her pets. See above only replace all references of cars and abs with cats and hamsters.

10. Anyone using Photoshop. I know, I know. We all want to look our best.  And it’s OK to post the best pictures you have, but it’s not OK to make your photos look like someone you’re not.

11. The guy who doesn’t understand you’re not interested even when you tell him you’re not interested. I’m a firm believer that you have to get offline to know if there’s any interest or spark, but sometimes you lose everything before you reach that point. And that’s OK.

12. Anyone using LOL, OMG, and/or emoticons. Unless you’re 12 this is a huge no-no.

13. The gal who is too eager to be one of the guys. Mentioning you like college football, art, and beer is good. Crowding your  entire profile trying too hard to have all the same hobbies so you cam impress the dudes is not good.

14. People who post pictures from six years ago. If you’re 30, you’re senior class picture probably isn’t your best shot. This is the digital age, people. Updated pictures are a must.

15. The gal who only posts pictures from the waist up. All this says is that you’re trying to hide something. And you shouldn’t be (especially since they’re going to meet you and see what you look like at some point). If you’re a little curvy or plus-size, rock your hot self.


Jess is a freelance writer and online columnist living in New York City. She recently got engaged to the man of her dreams (whom she met online, of course!) and is always eager to share her online dating tips with the world.

2 Responses to “15 People Who Should Be Banned From Online Dating Sites”

  1. September 12, 2013 at 4:02 am, ChanellG said:

    Don’t forget the guy who’s already married.


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